What is one thing you wish your parents did differently when raising you?


#AskReddit CrossPost

Where to begin.

1) Fiscal responsibility.

I was never given any pocket money. We are what we would call: Slightly above middle class. The reason was that I would get, whatever I wanted, if I asked for it. So every time I asked for pocket money, I was told, why do you need it, we will get you anything you want, if reasonable. I therefore had empty papers stuffed in a wallet always in my pocket (to feel included with the friends in school who actually had monies in their pocket wallets).

I moved away for college. I was given a lump sum amount of money in my bank allocated for a year’s of expenses. I did not know how to save money, what to do with it, never saw that much in my hand or in ownership. I ended up blowing that amount in 3 months. I was then given money at monthly basis, and I learnt the hard way the goods of saving, and justified usage of money. It doesnt really grow on trees.

2) Decision making:

Call it cultural, call it naive. But, I was never involved in any kind of decision making process. Whether it was my birthday toy, or friends, or school to go to, or neighborhood to stay in.

When I had to make my own decisions in life, I found it extremely challenging and stressful. Lack of confidence in the decisions surmounted to some very bad decisions. Again, learnt the hard way after going through the drill.

3) Reasoning:

This is somewhat tied to the prior point. I feel it is extremely necessary for kids to learn to reason. To ask questions. To satiate their curiosity. To understand the consequences of a decision, in order to help facilitate future bigger decisions. Even a decision to buy a candy, over another, should be rationalized.

I was never taught to rationalize. This was a severe handicap in a lot of things I did in life, in work, studies, love life, career decisions.

4.) Sharing experiences:

There is only so much a person can learn from their own experiences, but combining the experiences of others, there is immense to learn from. As basic as why did they (parents) select that particular job, would have helped me implement those in my own life. My parents had a plethora of experience having had lived in a variety of locations globally, but I only got to see their experience on face as it was in every other location: Poker faced, same. If they had shared what they were thinking, doing, rationalizing, working towards, their experiences of life; It would have been immensely helpful.

4) Love.

As basic as this, but yes, not many parents show it. Call it taboo again. Its stupid really. I dont remember hugging my folks until today. I am in late 30s. Its not like we are not close. We get along great. Communicate daily via video calls etc. No love is lost. But, showing that they care, speaking up when kids are down, that empathy always lacked. Today they talk behind my back, among their friends, about how proud they are of me. But, if only they did that in front of me, on my face, at least once while growing up, it would have been a great boost to self esteem, and self worth.

Ah well. Its never too late. All that I felt I missed out on, is being implemented on my now 8 month old son. Hopefully he turns out better than me.

tldr; Go read it all. It may be helpful.

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Keep Moving Forward!


I was born on Mahasthami. Mahasthami is the 8th day of Navratri, as it is known on the West Coast of India, or Durgasthami as it is known on the East coast of India. The significance of the eve can be summed up like majority of festivals celebrated in India: Victory of good over evil.

It was Mahasthami, on 21st October, 1985, the day I was born. Therefore, I take the pleasure of celebrating my birthday on two days every year. Reasons to feast on should never be ignored, in my opinion.

21st October 2015 marks the day I successfully defended my PhD dissertation. The day I turned 30. Twelve years of which were spent in getting educated. Being labelled as the first “Doctor” of the household, albeit Philosophical, was perhaps enough motivation to get me across the line.The defense was not a victory of good or evil, but nonetheless, a matter of celebration.

The day I defended, I recall being stalled in the traffic at the intersection of Northwestern Avenue, and West State Street, right next to Grey House,

Capture
Source: Google Street View

with my wife on the passenger seat, calm  outside, and much relaxed within, with her feet folded like sitting in an asana on the bucket styled seats of my Economic Honda Civic Sedan.

I shared her tranquility.

I recall that day vividly because up to a week before that particular day I had no source of income (Graduate department rules had cancelled salaries for all PhD students entering their 5th year of study), I had no job lined up for me after my graduation, and I had a significant debt on my credit cards because we were living on plastic money since 3-6 months, in absence of a stipend. Without a job in US, I was destined to relocate to India. Unlike my fellow STEM friends, the field I specialized in could be best labelled as “in development” back home in India. Relocation would likely mean getting placed at a job that would disregard my doctorate, and ask me to start from square one, if at all that option was even available. It was as grim as it could get.

Things did turn around in the days leading to the defense presentation. I had a job lined up, and a destination in mind to move to within a month.

21st October, 2016, the day I begun my search for a change in jobs. Reasons to change were diverse, and cliched as well. My first interview with a hiring manager, after a period of almost a year, since I joined my current job was a text book panic scenario. I did not enjoy my Cheesecake Factory’s Vegetarian Bean Burger as much that evening celebrating my birthday. On an unrelated note, those are not that great either, but I am sure my sulk was adding more salt to it.

As I reminisce that day, I sit at my chair, with empty drawers, and a cleaned out desk, awaiting in anticipation.

Mahasthami, 2017, is my last day at my first work after PhD. I feel the tranquility yet again, looking forward to yet another challenge in life ahead.

Wall.


What is a wall. Metaphorically speaking. A mental block. A plateau in the phase of progress. A stagnancy. Stability. Being Static. Not being dynamic. Not changing, with time.

But, isn’t change inevitable. Isn’t it said that nothing is permanent.

Then, why is there a wall. Why does it exist really? What purpose does it serve at all. Of course other than providing peace and calm to some, while proving absolutely infuriatingly, and fiercely frustrating to the other.

Perhaps it is just a concept. Or is there really a stand-still phase in all upswings or downhill slippery slopes?

Having had lived 32 years of my life, cognitively only 20 years though, being able to recall vivid memories as early as 12 years, I have been fortunate to be part of both the ‘in the zone’ phase and the ‘why is this happening to me’ phase.

While somethings are in your control, where your action has a direct causative association with an occurrence or existence of an event, there often are situations, that one has absolutely no control over. I call this crappy situation: Luck.

One can be religious, for all intent and purpose, for selfish reasons, or out of fear, and very few out of pure faith and calmness that the belief of an existence of a supernatural power brings to them. Some others are spiritual. For similar reasons largely. However, none have any control over that thing termed: Luck.

There really is no explanation to Luck. A coin toss has a probability of landing a head or a tail. There is math involved. Astrology for purists is based on mathematics, alignment of planets, carefully calculated since the time of your birth to present day, assessing the influence of “G-force” on your personal well-being. But, Luck; there is no science, math, or religion involved.

What does luck have to do with a Wall?! Well, as I said, some things are under your control, some are not. Hitting a wall due to actions of your own can have a resolution. Hitting one due to pure sheer luck, you are doomed.

Unless. You are prepared for it. Unless, you are ready to overcome that wall. Unless, you are willing to climb out of the rut. Unless there is a burning desire to break it down.

Will breaks Wall. One lesson that I have learnt through these 20 cognitive years: Never Give Up. No matter what!

Identify


downloadI do not identify myself as an atheist, agnostic, pious, leftist, rightist, centrist, libertarian, republican, democrat, or any such label. The thing is, the moment you are this, you stop being that.

In today’s world every decision you make, every word you speak, every action you take, is scrutinized with a magnifying glass of the peers, superiors, well-wishers, haters, opportunists, enemies, everyone. No. There is no exception to this. Only the size of lens varies.  Therefore, I do not identify myself as anything.

It is just easy to do so.

You may ask that does this translate to me not standing up for anything? Is there nothing that I have a strong opinion about? Is there nothing that I believe in that I will stand up for or identify myself with?

No. There really is nothing that I have come across so far.  I like being  an empty vessel. Strengthen the vessel with your experiences but never let it be full enough to not be able to accept new information. Be willing to adapt, change as you learn and grow. That is progress. Keep Moving Forward.

(Image source: ds.lclardk.edu)

Android: The powerful little sandbox.


The move has not been easy.  I am 30 years old now.  I now have begun to feel the small pains of adapting to new changes as I age. I perhaps now understand the feeling my mom and dad must have felt when they held in their hands their first touch screen device.  Windows 8 released sometime before the advent of touch screens on laptops and desktops.  I however was sold on the fact that world is moving towards a touch based interface based on the popularity of Microsoft operating system and the fact that the start menu now was a button interface.  Hated to move from Windows XP to Windows 7 initially but never mustered the strength enough to move to Windows 8 until Windows 10 came along, bringing the start menu back and merging the touch screen with old school. Somewhat.

I have been an avid user of technology. Not endowed with ancestral wealth that I could afford every new gadget that hit the markets, I loved to tinker with those I could have my hands on.  The first one still vividly etched in my memory being a solar powered Casio Calculator.  That small 3 tiny square-d solar chip fascinated me really.  I understood how it translated sun’s rays to store-able battery charge.  I at the same time got on my hands one the shoes that shone light in its heels (Action shoes, India. Joote mein hai light, la la light who bhi shoe mein..went the jingle). I broke it open to reveal a single red led bulb. I knew it was an LED because I knew the other tiny bulbs in torches had screws and that is why that was not called an LED.  I of course now know that LED stands for a light emitting diode, but back then screws on the bottom of the bulb were enough to differentiate between LED and others.  The grand scheme was to power that LED from shoe’s heel using three squared solar panel that I lifted off the Casio calculator.  Ripping the calculator apart was easy, with no intentions (read as motivation) to put it back (guided by the plethora of screws lying around after having it apart). I fiddled with copper wires from a sack of old used wiring bag I had at my disposal and one summer afternoon was spent on the terrace trying to get the wires connected to the LED and light the bulb covered in a makeshift cardboard blanket with the solar panel kit (I like recalling it as a panel, although it was just a tiny tiny thing) hanging outside the box. It worked. It charmed me.

I remember being equally fascinated by the iPod touch.  The first touch screen device I really saved monies for to buy. I cherish it till date, jailbroken and battered but it plays songs, although very slowly and hindered with the updated software.

I have been using mobile phones since undergrad days. I am sure my kids or niece or nephews in the future may find it extremely hard to believe because I have seen my nephew often struggle with a paper magazine trying to pinch and press the page hoping it to animate but nothing happens.  I was aware of the operating systems in Nokia phones.  Symbian OS. Although, iPod touch’s iOS was bedazzling really.  So much so that I have been using that same operating system since 2008.

Until recently, when I made a move to Android. The open source system that I recall hearing of when I bought my first apple device.  It sounded interesting and the USP of the Android system was its adaptability on different devices, whereas iOS by Apple was limited exclusively on their flagship devices alone.  Android instead promised to put the power in the hands of the end user and allowed end to end customization. A power bit too much, is what I felt back then. I have been vocal enough to laud Apple’s devices because the workmanship parallels none (at least it used to be the case). Until a competitor rose.  The first android phone that in my opinion rivaled the iPhone’s exteriors was HTC One. It was a beautiful beautiful phone. Of course then came the Samsungs and the Nexuses that have just outnumbered the iPhone in looks time and again.

However, the only reason I was not sold to an Android device was iOS’s operating system, and perceived steep learning curve for an Android device.  I was conditioned by now to using a device prepared for me to be used as intended by Apple, whereas Android seemed to be that rebellious kid who wanted to break away from the mold and mark its own territory.  Accessing that unknown seemed treacherous, at times.

But, I finally made the move to an Android device and decided to go with the Vanilla/Stock Android version 6.0, Marshmallow, on a Google flagship device: Nexus 6P.  This device has been simply awesome.  Every other day using it is a discovery of a new feature that otherwise is allegedly buzz-worded to be ‘hidden.’  The phone has several easter eggs that brings the curiosity out in me. Besides the build, I am more impressed, for the first time, since being fascinated by an iOS device, is the operating system: Android.  The reach of customization is endless. It is a small little, powerful sandbox really.

Not to take away from anyone’e experience making the move from an iOS to Android, you have to take the jump to feel it. To be able to enjoy it.  Better late than never. Really.

एक धुन ||


आज भी कुछ ऐसी धुनें हैं जो बीते लम्हो के शीशे को फिर से जोड़ देती हैं..

एक धुँधला चेहरा भी कभी उसमें दिख जाता है..

एक आस टूटी सी फिर जुड़ जाती है..

और एक धुएँ के छल्ले से घूम हो जाती है..

तराना बस फसाना बनके रह जाता है |

-जिगर राजपूरा

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Safar


I was almost in tears this time, unlike any/many other times before. Probably because this is the first time I was seeing the entire family on the station, bidding me goodbye. Also the first time that papa came to the station to drop me. I only remember having call conversations to Kuwait with him while leaving for USA. Living away from family is probably the worst curse of studying abroad. But, I must go on!

To my dismay, there is NO internet on this train because the router short circuited a few stations back. So, I plan to document this journey in words and pictures. Anyway my blog has been barren since a year now, this probably will spark up the page.

Sit back, relax, and enjoy the journey through my eyes. It begins with a train, includes an autorickshaw ride, a long wait at the new T2 Mumbai international terminal, an air journey and culminates in a long-ish bus journey.

I want to point out one thing among the chaos of the getting to the station and boarding the train, cleanliness. Yes. Things are clean. While I am at it, let me briefly also mention the roads that are hand swept daily by a troupe of 60 folks, the bus stops that are swept and wiped with dettol and the RTO office that I visited were super clean too. ‘Swachh Abhiyaan’ or not, things are clean as long as they are govt. operated. Of Course not speck clean but by a cleanliness freak standards I would rate it 7/10 clean. That is good! However, you will still find a load of dump in and around the houses especially under the boards marked ‘Do not throw rubbish here.’ I hear these are being closely monitored for cleanliness but haven’t seen much activity in my relatively short trip.

Disclaimer: I was not actively looking for cleanliness but awkwardly clean locations struck me and warranted a point.

I digressed. Sorry.

Coming to the journey now, Shatabdi has a dedicated, uniformed, labelled, ‘cleaning-squad’ that keeps moving frisky through the compartment time and again, hunting for shreds of paper or anything that they think dirties the seating. Toilets, although were clean, were not very clean. Could be more cleaner. Definitely needs better interiors. Greyed-Pistachio green does injustice to it. Aesthetics matter. To me.

Executive class, E1 in Ahmedabad-Mumbai Shatabdi, 12010, is different. Different from the regular chair-car. The compartment is VERY spacious, clean and has a lot of legroom. I have an extra armrest so I don’t have to share the armrest with the neighboring seat. The seats can recline to almost \|_ 140′ and the train is FAST. Luxury.

As soon as the train started moving, a guy dressed in a vest and sporting a bow tie came and gave me a bottle of water with a glass and wished me ‘Happy Journey.’ He did this at every stop for all new passengers entering while promptly removing the old used/unused water bottles. Brand of water: Aquafina.

First round of food is served as soon as the trains departs.

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Khasta kachori, suttar feni (from the red box), Chivda, ketchup, eclairs and tea (hot water kettle, tea bag, creamer and sugar).

Food tastes like it is supposed to taste. That is a positive sign. It was hot, not piping hot, but hotter than warm. The hot water in the thermos was steaming and the brands of products were pretty standard in Lehar, Amul, & Lipton.

Surat just went by and it is 2 hours from the time I boarded at Vadodara. Time for soup. Tomato soup served in a white ceramic bowl with a pair of breadsticks and a white soup spoon. Could use better cutlery. The consistency of the soup was mediocre, thick, but not as thick as I expected. It tasted yummy and I ended up sipping a bit of it to all of it just to accompany other fellow travelers. The soup is endless, they serve as much as you can drink, the waiter/steward stopping every two minutes with a refill jug! I ended up having two bowls full!

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Vapi just went by and dinner is here.

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Paneer butter masala, dal fry, jeera rice, dudhi Chana Daal, paratha, mix pickle, yogurt and papad. Sumptuous. Taste test: 6/10. Servings were sufficient to fill me up given that I had hogged on previous servings of soup and Khasta kachori. All in all a decent meal, far better than the ones I have had in 2/3 tier AC compartments but nowhere close to Rajdhani’s First Class AC’s food service.

I highly recommend this leg of journey in the executive class. It basically is the business class of Shatabdi. Ample storage space overhead as well to store two US based 23 Kilo bags.

I am an hour away from Borivali now.

Half the train seems to want to get down at Borivali station. Everyone rushes for the door in fear of leaving a bag or a kid behind if they do not hurry enough unloading everything of the train. Surprisingly no cookie approached me partly because I had too few a bags to make money off porting them or maybe they believed in me that I can really lift the two 23 kilo mountains on my own from platform 6 to 1. Finally found a porter to get me to the cab. The cab driver was a distant cousin of Michael Schumacher. Driving on Mumbai roads at a speed no less than 80kph in rush hour is a dream come true. Or, maybe not. He got me from BBorivalito The airport in 30 minutes, claiming that the same distance takes no less than 50 minutes. Who am I to judge. I like speed.

Boarding the flight at 6:40am, I reached the airport the night before at 9:30pm. To my dismay, the guards do not let me get in until 2am. Up until a bit of pestering, a bit of pleading, and a bit of everything in between.

T2 is a marvel in itself. What-an-airport. Best of all, free WiFi. Yay! Now comes the tricky part though. Killing the time from 12am to 6:40am. The chaos of T2 terminal is my source of entertainment for the time being.

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After sporadic naps, none lasting more than 10-12 minutes and two total hours, Turkish airlines begun assigning boarding passes. I was the second person in a line winding more than 20 times. Free of the bags I walked away through security check (a gimmick compared to US based checks) followed by immigration.

An old uncles spat out to each other allegedly over line jumping, which prompted every immigration officer to stand up from their cozy cushions and bend out to watch the entertainment unfold, alas there was not much drama.

This however wasted precious 15 minutes of all the people awaiting to get stamped! Moving on. The T2 terminal is beautifully made. I think I mentioned this before but it needs a repeat mention.

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With those ‘power button’ symbols, aesthetics are simple yet resourceful. I am glad to see this airport after what I have seen before. Those days crow-spotting was a sport that all could play at the Mumbai airport terminal. Things are different now, and good too.

Gate 73. Takes me to the man made technological marvel that will lift a 90kilo me in the air along with several others and guess what, I will FLY. Like a bird in the sky. Flight updates coming up. Three more hours though.

Meanwhile this happened. A guy and a girl meet. After a brief introductions of educational background and work status they have swiftly moved from broken English to Hindi to Gujarati and found out that they both have ties to a local town in Gujarat. Now the conversation has moved to future career prospects, salary hikes, engineering versus IT, snowfall in Atlanta to airport infrastructure cost and now it’s heating up towards a debate on immigration reform. Time taken, 487 seconds, ~8 minutes. Yes I timed it. This kind of instant contact truly amazes me. Does it happen only in India? Maybe, maybe not. I haven’t travelled enough to be able to jump to that conclusion yet.

Boarding finally commences at 6:10am for a 6:40am flight and all the co-ordinated efforts of the flight crew in requesting back to front boarding seems to be a major fail! “All passengers with seat numbers 40-53 line up for boarding,” yells a crew member, the entire flock of passengers lines up and the first person to get his boarding pass checked bears the seat number “12.” He promptly gets sent back. Some sit back awaiting their numbers to be called out, others are in for a gold rush, it seems.

An aisle seat is possible the best seat to have. Not that I am a tall guy but still having space to push that leg out in the aisle is the freedom of movement I would have fought for. The flight accelerates on the runway after standard operation procedures are recited like I recited my morning prayers in the school assembly. Speed lovers would love this part. The food promptly arrives and I opt for the Vegetarian meal.

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This was a major downer compared to my past experiences of Turkish airlines. The chole curry was tasteless and Aloo curry tasted like raw pumpkin, or, maybe it was pumpkin. I couldn’t say. Sleep deprived I hurried through my meal and dozed off. Good comfortable reclining chairs and some good music did the trick. A long-ish 3.5hr of a sleep was thus achieved. Win! Good views help too!

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Time to land in 1hr 50m and a sandwich arrives. Lamest possible sandwich ever eaten. Served with a side of a cup of water. Yay! I bit through it hungry from the sleep. Couldn’t eat it all. Yes it was that bad. Time to catch up with the movies now. First on the list Europa Report. I had 1hr 30m in all and within five minutes of the movie it was apparent that I will be watching this movie in fast forward only. The main shot in the movie is at 1hr 29th minute in this 1hr 30m movie. A Matrix tentacle creature lives on Europa, the moon. That is all there is to the movie. In order to compensate for the valuable time lost I re watched Pacific Rim. Fast forwarded to key scenes this movie is worth multiple screenings any day.

Time to land. The flight was 45 minutes late when it took off and arrived 40 minutes early than scheduled. A worm hole was encountered enroute, a small one presumably. While I land and move to the transfer gate I will leave you with this image. Hope you see what is funny, almost.

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The turkey airport seems to be in form of some overhaul. We landed around 5kms away from the airport and a bus picked us up to get us to the airport. As soon as you get in the airport there is a maddening rush of everyone running for something. I took things lightly because I have around 4 hours to kill here. I was wrong. The rush was for the security check lines. These are crazy long. Good for me, I have time at hand. Security check here too is lame to say the least. Take a bow TSA.

Mad rush continues at the food court. The security check route ends directly in the food court. Convenient much. A wait for at least 2hr for my flight details to appear on the monitor. Time to hog. A chocolate milk shake and Methi Thepla. I would have loved some tea but Turkish coffee is to die for too. It however doesn’t go well with thepla so chocolate shake it is.

Gate 503. The last leg of the flight journey. The gate looks surreal and I couldn’t resist clicking a pic.

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Also worth mentioning is the writing on the bus. Funny to me. Yes. Smile along. Turks don’t know a thing about it.

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Boarding commences. The flight this time around, an Airbus again but is a relatively older version. As long as my seat reclines I am happy. And it begins. Take off, operating procedures etc recited like clockwork and it flies. 30,000ft in the sky.

It has been not more than an hour and the delicious food is here. Turkish standing up to its name. Finally.

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Pasta cooked in red sauce and sun dried tomatoes with olive oil generously drizzled over, crackers with cream cheese, humus in salsa sauce (interesting combo), spiced feta cheese and cucumber salad, chocolate mousse, wheat bread and malt beer.
Y-U-M-M-Y.

Nearing the end of my journey now. This has been one heck of it. I should have penned the other side of journey too, but then that would have been an overkill. Anyways, hope you had fun reading it. I had fun penning it.

Duration of the journey: ~40hours. Tiresome.

I leave you with a brief Chicago landing video.  Showcases the city of gold, or as it seems from up above.

 

 

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